I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
