if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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