You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
