just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
