I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
