tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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