well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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