I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
organizing the empties. That sober.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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