maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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