I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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