she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
