Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
