Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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