well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize