Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
