I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
