Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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