Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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