who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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