We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
