"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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