it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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