final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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