dude i'm inner monologue high
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
