yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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