It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
