does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
