i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
