I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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