Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
