I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the day after is always just damage control
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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