ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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