census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
