is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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