So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
