just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Randomize
