my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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