I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
