When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
