i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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