if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
