lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
