Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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