i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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