i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
