I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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