make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
