UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
