I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
