dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
