So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
