): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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