Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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