how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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