it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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