i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
