Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
