dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
