I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
