Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
