His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
