Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
