I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
