Soap is not a condiment
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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