you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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