real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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