I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
