8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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