They should really pass out barf bags in church
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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