farters have to be the big spoon...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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