my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
