It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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