Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
