I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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