Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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