is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
