I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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